When we look at relationships from the outside, it’s easy to label certain couples as “goals.” Social media and public appearances often show us the highlight reels; the smiles, the success, and the beautiful moments. What we rarely see are the years of growth, uncertainty, and lessons that shape those relationships.
That’s why I wanted to begin a three-part blog series exploring lessons from couples who have influenced the way many of us view love and commitment. My top three couples are Eniko Hart and Kevin Hart, Savannah James and LeBron James, and Viola Davis and Julius Tennon.
Each couple represents different lessons about commitment, growth, and partnership. For this first post, I want to focus on something many women think about but don’t always talk about openly: dating intentionally and understanding the timeline between falling in love and commitment.
The Lesson from Eniko and Kevin Hart
Eniko Hart and Kevin Hart began their relationship in 2009. They became engaged in 2014 and were married in 2016. That means they spent several years building their relationship before taking the step toward marriage.
Looking at timelines like this made me think about something I learned recently: research suggests that, on average, men can take longer than women to fully invest emotionally in a relationship. While every relationship is different, it’s an important reminder that intentional dating matters for both people involved.
As women in our thirties, many of us have witnessed relationships where everything seemed perfect until suddenly the man gets cold feet before a major commitment like an engagement or wedding. Moments like that often reveal something deeper: commitment requires both partners to believe that what they’re building together is worth the sacrifices that come with it.
Three Things Women Should Remember While Dating Intentionally
Through observation, personal experience, and reflection, I’ve learned a few things about showing up intentionally in relationships.
1. Invest in yourself.
Self-investment isn’t about wearing heavy makeup or trying to be someone you’re not. It’s about presenting yourself in a way that reflects care and confidence. Simple things like hygiene, grooming, and putting effort into how you show up can make a lasting impression. Feeling good about yourself naturally radiates outward.
2. Cultivate kindness and intelligence.
Your words matter. The way you communicate—through kindness, patience, and thoughtfulness—often has a deeper impact than appearance alone. Investing in your mind is just as important as investing in your outward presentation. Learn about the world. Develop a skill. Explore passions such as writing, decorating, or creating something meaningful. These passions not only enrich your life but can also contribute to building a fulfilling home and future.
3. Be intentional about who you choose.
One of the biggest lessons entrepreneurship has taught me is that you don’t have to create something for everyone. The same principle applies to relationships. You are not meant for every man, and not every man is meant for you.
Instead, focus on building a connection with someone who is emotionally healthy, self-aware, and capable of commitment. When you know where you stand emotionally and spiritually, you’re less likely to allow vulnerability to lead you into relationships where someone strings you along.
Final Thoughts
Time is one of the most valuable gifts we’ve been given. When we approach relationships intentionally—with self-respect, purpose, and clarity—we give ourselves the best chance to build something meaningful.
In the next part of this series, I’ll be exploring what we can learn about loyalty, growth, and partnership from Savannah James and LeBron James.